A whole new me

It seemed like a while since I posted last. Then I saw the date. Wow, that really was a long time. Need to try a little harder from now on.

A whole lot has been changing. Besides my work life being insane, my father in-law got ill (admitted to the hospital the day I last posted) and spent a couple of days and came home with a pace maker and a walker. Since he lives with us, it pretty much has been constant chaos, trying to get him to/from doctors and the such.

My dear son starts kindergarten tomorrow. I am so excited for him. I doubt he will be sleeping much tonight.

Anyway, since there has been so much going on, it really became a true test to my new lifestyle.

I can't seem to remember all the specifics right now, but the summary to date is as follows:

Total Loss to date: 38 pounds
Time on HCG: 8 weeks
Total inches on HCG: 15

I have been off the HCG now for about 6 weeks. It is going well. I avoid all complex carbs. Haven't had potatoes, carrots, rice or pasta since April. I do occasionally eat sugar (very little) and if I eat any bread I do it in the am. I am still losing weight. I am watching my calories, it is not that difficult. The HCG broke a lot of my addictions and I find that if I eat too much or too rich food, I feel sick after.

I still have 30 pounds to lose, I may go back on HCG in January. I need some time and I am curious to see if I can get through the holidays on my new lifestyle. I am confident I can.

Motivation is a lot of the help. I have spent the day hemming some pants that a dear friend gave me - grateful for her generosity since I had nothing to wear and dreaded yet another shopping trip becuase I didn't want to spend more money on clothes that will be too big in 3 months. I know, I probably should relish the idea.... but the huge part about today is that those pants I am hemming, are size 14!!! Very motivating, I am now the size I was when I got married all those 8 years ago.

It is a great day. Total loss (personal count) is 25 pounds. I am buying clothes in the XL(not the 1x or 2x sizes). And most of all.... I am officially less than 200 lbs, my weigh in this morning put me at 198.6. Woo Hoo! Major milestone for me.

I am so excited, I like the 25 lbs, it give me hope that I can keep going and get even more. The new sizes are cool too. I went to Ross last week to look at clothes, I need a couple of tops to rotate in as I have been losing clothes about as fast as I am losing weight. While I look forward to the weigh in every morning, getting dressed is another story. I am changing clothes 2 to 3 times daily. Putting a top on, to find that it is so big that it borders on sloppy - then once removed, it is strategically placed on a shelf out of sight and mind. Yeah!

Under 200 pounds, that is huge and I don't just mean my size. I have been gaining and losing the same 20 pounds since 2000.
-Starting with a surgery that required a long recovery of little activity. +20 (new weight = 205)
-Then once cleared by Doc I paid a lot of money for a personal trainer at the gym and lost 20 for my wedding in September of 2002 (new weight = 185).
-That same year, we relocated to AZ and the stress of the move and my mother in-law being terminally ill, I gain it back (new weight = 204).
-I was over 200 when I got pregnant with Liam in 2004. Did South Beach in the beginning of 2006 and lost 15. That was when we started tracking our weight weekly and the charts after that have a pretty clear cycle of gains and losses every 9 months or so when I would go up to 220 and get on some program (WW twice) and lost about 15 in 6 months and once I stop the program, I would creep back up.

I wonder if the cycle will ever end? I know I should be really happy with my results, I am. But the core problem is still here. Even as I write this and tell the world about my accomplishments, I can't help but think of wanting a reward for my success. Chocolate, food - anything. Scary thing is, I am not even hungry. I need to develop a plan for me, that is unique to my needs. I have read that others reserve 1 day a week for consuming anything they want. I wonder if I can do that? I have 3 more weeks before I go back into maintenance phase. I need to get it together before then. Because I plan on going a full 3 weeks before I start dosing again. Last break, I couldn't make it 11 days before I started eating carbs....

I made it through my "planned interruption". I will not lie - it was hard. First of all, my period was late and while I had all of the crazy symptoms it wouldn't start until after I stopped taking my drops. Interesting, I wonder what will happen next month. After I got past the extreme hunger (2 or 3 extra days, no drops and only 500 calories) I started feeling awful. I was hot all the time (previously cold), hungry - but not stomach growling hungry but the feeling faint and sick to my stomach hungry.

I did not take my drops for 11 days. I continued to weigh my self until I left for my camping trip on day 7. I feel like I did okay. I ate carbs - I think I didn't have as much will power because I didn't take the break seriously - mostly thinking that I would be going back on low calorie in a week and I would just pay the price. I also found it hard to be "off the diet" with restrictions. I think most of that is mental though, since I need to take my 3 weeks after stopping the drops very serious and not screw up next time. I found myself eating more carbs towards the end of the break - probably because I started craving them again. Ugh. Need to do much better next time around.

Total change during interruption - 1 pound gained.

I have another months worth of drops, I need to decide if I am going to do another month or take another break. I am a little scared either way. Not sure if I am going to stall now or if the break may do me more harm than good. Tough decisions.

I am not opposed to doing another round, but I think I need to try a couple of weeks without carbs and sugars and without the HCG, I can't take this forever and I need to learn how to do it on my own.

I am 2 days into my planned interruption. So far, not terrible. I am looking forward to my vacation next week and being able to add some other fruits and vegetables into my diet. I have to remember that this is only a break and I need to make sure I don't eat too much. I have so much motivation though and I doubt that I will make bad food choices.

I wore some pants the other day, they were my basic black work pants. They never faded even though I washed them weekly and have been wearing them for over 2 years. When I started my program, they were tight. About 3 weeks ago they started getting looser and this week, I had to wear a belt. When I was at work and stood up to take one of my many bio-breaks I had to hitch up the pants (even with the belt, since they were on the tightest hole and still not small enough) to keep from stepping on the heels.

Anyway, I went home and tried on a bunch of "small" clothes - some of which hadn't been worn in over 3 years. They fit!!! So the official size update. I went from an 18W to an official 16. Yeah! I can actually buy clothes at a regular store. I won't though, I want another 20 pounds before I even think about more clothes. The problem, well that means that I have wear some slightly out of fashion pants. Oh well.

4 week official!!! 17 pounds.

Yeah! I am go invigorated. I am going to keep going at least another month. I was feeling a little discouraged because I was basically taking 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Losing .6 one day and gaining .4 the next. That when on for a good 10 days, but I think it was a stall. Yesterday and today, I have had 1.5 pounds each day.

I tried Yoga last night, it was the first time in over 9 years. I have only gone once, I hated it. But, since I can't really exercise on such a low calorie diet, I need something. So along with some treadmill activity, I am going to do Yoga. I was a little surprised. I still found it difficult to pay attention - it gets so boring... but in the end, I was very relaxed.

Total Change 13 lbs & 8.25 inches

My losses are slowing, I think that is normal. It is a little disappointing after experiencing the major losses in the first 2 weeks. But I am not giving up. I have been trying to figure out what to do next. My 1 month is almost up and I have been struggling to decide if I should continue another month or take 6 weeks off to do a low calorie diet without the HCG (still under Doctor's supervision).

I think I made my choice this morning. I am still experiencing losses, an average of over 4 lbs a week. That is better than any diet. So, I will continue and stay on HCG until I get below 200. That is only 9 more pounds. If I continue at my current pace, that is 23 days. I will then take the break. Do the restricted calories and exercise.

Luckily I am not sick of the food yet, that helped me make my decision. But I am getting close and want to make sure I don't sabotage when I do.

Net Change -11.8 lbs & -5.5 total inches

This weekend was a little tough. I cheated on Friday. It was kind of a weird cheat though. I sort of planned it. I got a call from a friend who has kids the same ages as mine and she offered a night of free babysitting so me and DH can have a date night. Hello, I would have been crazy to pass that up. So, after dropping of the children, DH and I tried to decide what to do. We decided that dinner was out, since it would be hard for me to find something that would fit into protocol and not be expensive. We went to see a movie, DH still needed to eat and so did I, so we got a tub of pop corm (with the butter topping)... my favorite. I usually pass up chocolate for movie theatre popcorn. Well, I didn't end up eating much. It tasted nasty. Like cardboard covered with vegetable oil. I think the HCG has heightened my tasted buds and it making me super sensitive. The good news in the end, I didn't gain anything as a result of my little indiscretion. Thankfully. I do plan on cheating again though...

I have a pretty big milestone coming up. I am 11 pounds from the big 200 mark. I have not been under 200 lbs since my wedding (8 years ago) and I had to hire a personal trainer to do that. So, getting under 200 is a big deal for me, and I decided to reward myself when I do. I am going to cheat. All I want is a latte. I am still craving diary, specifically in my coffee. I tried this weekend to add some sugar-free flavors to brewed coffee, it didn't work. I need the creamy addition of the milk to make it taste good. Therefore, I have decided that when I see 199 on the scale, I will treat myself to one (only one) Tall Non-Fat Sugar-Free Vanilla Iced Latte. I will suffer through the consequences, but it will be worth it. Maybe just the boost I will need to go another month.